Thursday, July 27, 2017

Trump Train on Collusion Course, Putin Engineer!

The Trump-Putin collusion is happening in plain sight.

The presidents of the United States and Russia met in Germany for over two hours behind closed doors to gab about their crushes, Syria, Ukraine, and Russia’s meddling in the 2016 election. 

Putin is happy to sow confusion and distrust in America’s system, of course, but to assume that’s the basis of this operation is to overlook a much simpler motive: money.
The financial connections between Trump and various Russian banks and oligarchs (business elites with ties to the Kremlin) stretch back decades, which is likely a big reason why Trump won’t release his tax returns. Trump’s election, Gunitsky contends, presented Russian oligarchs with an opportunity to recoup losses and leverage Trump’s debts for political gain.

Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law and White House senior adviser released an 11-page statement Monday morning ahead of his closed-door hearing with the Senate Intelligence Committee detailing his contacts with Russian officials during the campaign and transition.
Kushner denied colluding with Russian officials, but he disclosed one contact with a possible Russian hacker threatening to blackmail Trump over his unreleased tax returns.
"Collusion  was necessary"....a top official to the Kremlin explained  "....Trump needed a cover to hide the information we had on him,   and we were able to provide it.  But this is not a gift!  Trump will become President Putin's bitch!   It is the 'art of the deal',  Mother Russia style!"
Trump Tower will be sold to Putin under an agreement to keep President Trump's tax returns under wraps,  as well as his connections to the old oligarchy.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

"AMERICAN JONG-UN'S" Franchises COMING SOON! ! Serving ...."hamburgers 'of the people, by the people, and for the people' ".

Despite sending a naval force to the Korean peninsula, the Trump administration is focusing its North Korea strategy on tougher economic sanctions, possibly including an oil embargo, banning its airline, intercepting cargo ships and punishing Chinese banks doing business with Pyongyang, U.S. officials say.

However, Kim Jong-un has not flinched.  Instead, he has begun harvesting his own people in defiance of these sanctions,  and grinding them into hamburger meat! The strategy seems to be working,  as there are less people to feed with each passing day.

Any North Korean worth his salt,  knows that Jong-un invented the "double bread-with-meat",  (the hamburger).  What they do not know, however, is that they just might be chowing on their dear old uncle .  Prisoners and  terminally ill cancer patients,  whose lives are expensive to maintain, are simply ground up into a hamburger like meat and served to the population.

Jong-un has begun to distribute human based products to his faithful citizenry. Deceptively packaged  as 'soy with lentils' ,  it will keep his hungry citizens from a certain starvation while he attempts to 'ride the storm out' U.S. and worldwide sanctions begin to strangle his hermit kingdom. 

Some North Korean-intercepted shipments may have found their way onto American grocery shelves .   Demand for these products is growing....  as most Koreans are lean and fat-free, often  spicey,   and can be very satisfying.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Porpoise Depleting Fish Populations!

(Local fisherman declare war on dolphins)
In 1972 the Marine Mammal Protection Act was passed in an effort to shield wild and captive animals from harm.  Since that time, the hungry critters have been free to gobble up the oceans supply of fishes, and have begun to decimate larger species of fish.

"  We were fishin' all day,  and got us jes' one li'l iddy-biddy trout"...explained a local fisherman,  ..."while these here dolphins, .. or porpoises,  or whatever the heck you call'em....were gobblin' up hundreds of 'em and laughin' at us!"                                                          "  It jes' ain't fahr!"

Since the Act went into effect,  humans have been severely restricted from catching most species in local waters, while the happy dolphin has remained protected and is depleting all of these same species.  It seems the same law that protects the dolphin,  has become a major cause for  the depletion of fish stocks worldwide.

The solution?  Local fisherman have declared war on these squeaky menaces.  Legislators in coastal states may be declaring a short, 'open-season' on porpoise and bottle-nosed dolphin.  "Just enough to cull the populations back to a hundred or so"...explained a Fish and Game official.  "We don't got nuthin'  'genst no 'Flipper'....they's jes' too greedy!  But we'll git it under control.  We been regulatin' these  waters fer years.  We gotta handle on it! They think they's smarter then us . Nope! We gunna make sushi outta these hawgs!"

 Dolphin meat is dense and such a dark shade of red as to appear black. Fat is located in a layer of blubber between the meat and the skin. When dolphin meat is eaten in Japan, it is often cut into thin strips and eaten raw as sashimi, garnished with onion and either horseradish or grated garlic, much as with sashimi of whale or horse meat (basashi). When cooked, dolphin meat is cut into bite-size cubes and then batter-fried or simmered in a misosauce with vegetables. Cooked dolphin meat has a flavor very similar to beef liver.[15] Dolphin meat is high in mercury, and may pose a health danger to humans when consumed.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Global Warming to cause Global Cooling to cause Global famine to cause Global War to cause Cannabalism to cause Resurgence of Christianity and New World Order

That's right!  Climatologists, meteorologists, historians, tarot card readers, and George Herbert Walker Bush have collaborated and arrived at this stunning new prediction!  Earth will heat up, cloud over, cool down, freeze, devastate agriculture, and humans will be fighting each other for every last morsel of food before descending to eating each other and then finding renewed Faith and beginning a One-Nation global government and a New World Order!

They could not fully agree on this prediction , however, until consulting with Bill Nye and a local high school science club.  The theory was solidified when ex- President Bush saw it in a dream....the same dream where he had defeated former President Bill Clinton in a savage knife-wielding battle for  Hillary in the end-of-days...

Confident in their prediction, they have presented these theorized facts to the UNFCCC  and are desperately pleading with the global community to take action to prevent these inevitable course of events!   Their solution:  to jettison as much of the worlds ocean water to the planet Mars as quickly as possible,   whatever the cost,  to stave off the cooling action of the clouds formed by the heated waters of the world's oceans.  And to summon advice from the prophetic dreams of  former President George Herbert Walker Bush. Elon Musk has volunteered to head-up the vital water-transport-to-Mars operation.

Once again,  the science community has come together with a much needed and viable solution to prevent an otherwise inevitable cataclysmic and apocalyptic course of events.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Pocket Brain Will Shrink Head Size!

Could Google, the world’s largest search engine, be causing our memory banks to atrophy? Maybe, say four Columbia University researchers, who believe Google’s instant-retrieval search mechanics could be training our brains to jettison information we’re sure of quickly finding again with a few taps on a keyboard.
“The Internet has become a primary form of external or transactive memory, where information is stored collectively outside ourselves.” Retrieving a memory has become as simple as reaching into your pocket for your cellphone. Pocket Brain.
Long term reliance on this source may produce a condition similar to Alzheimer's disease. As symptoms worsen over time, the disease will progress through 3 stages. In the early stage, you may notice some mild memory loss, but, as the disease progresses to the moderate and severe stages, you may notice new symptoms appear or existing ones worsen.
When it has progressed to the severe stage, humans may lose the ability to perform daily activities, like carrying on a conversation or even being aware of their surroundings.
Scientists predict that as the human brain continues to atrophy with reliance on personal devices for memory retrieval, and from the lack of social interaction..... head sizes will shrink by one-half by the year 2070.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Playing With Fireworks: NUKE MISSILE GOES AWRY!

      Kim Jong-un , now in his early 30's...was not allowed to light celebratory  fireworks when he was a child. His Father,  Kim Jong-il was a bit over-protective with his bastard son,  as he carefully  groomed him for the day that he would become the Godsent successor to the throne of the DPRK.
      Instead of frivolous fireworks ,  young Jong-un was forced to witness executions and perform beheadings in the darkened dungeons of North Korean  prison camps  He often gazed through the prison bars with envy as his Father joyfully set off the colorful explosions imported from China.
                            It was not a normal childhood for the 8 year old bastard child.
     While making his dungeon rounds  one day, ..he noticed the rats that had been feasting on a beheaded prisoner began to slowly wither and die.  And a wonderful-terrible idea  lit off in his little munchkin head.  An angry and jealous  psychosis began to gestate in his corrupted child mind as he devised a plan to remove the only obstacle to the fireworks for which he so often obsessed.  His dictator father Kim Jong-il!

    However , being born without testicles had become a roadblock for his childish and devious plan: To feed his Pappy rat poison and assume the throne!

   It wasn't until his mid-twenties that he finally mustered enough courage to  implement his murderous plot. His reluctance was overcome at breakfast one morning. After finishing off  his second bucket of illegal KFC,  he was refused a third.... and denied a refreshing American Pepsi-cola. He was pissed!  And so,  Kim Jong-un  slowly began to spice up his daddy's kimchi with American D-con rat poison as he hockered and  spat in Papa Jong-il's banchan.  Pappy died face down in a bowl of egg soup.

    Today...Jong-un set off his very own fireworks!!  In the form of nuclear tipped missiles!!
 But having no practice as a child, he did not know the dangers of lighting off fireworks so close to home!  One of the faulty prisoner-made fireworks went awry,  and landed in his own backyard...sending him and his pride-filled military cohorts to a Hellbound kingdom come....
                             "Day of the Sun" brings fiery end to DPRK's Kim Jong-un.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

THE NEW RIPOFF !! Is Your NEW 4K Television Really 4K?

Looking for a new Ultra HD TV or a top-of-the-line smartphone? Experts agree: tech fans crazy for sharper resolution are sometimes paying for more pixels than their eyes can actually see. 
When it comes to televisions touting new 4K technology, "a regular human isn't going to see a difference," said Raymond Soneira, head of display-testing firm DisplayMate Technologies
As consumers flock to grab these over-priced, under-pixelated screens...retail outlets have sold millions of them,  with a smirk on their faces.   A wink and a smile ,  and a congratulatory 'pat-on-the-back'...has been given to every  gullible electronic consumer leaving  their stores with such pride,  ...  thinking 1080p WAS a bit blurry.

But not all of us are so quick to be fooled!   We doubted their claims,  but only had time to count to 36000 pixels (  a 10-hour day) before the "Men in Blue Shirts, accompanied by a Geek Skwad"...promptly kicked us out the door!  

With a short stop by the Flea Market,  we picked up a pair of these pixel-counting lighted magnifier glasses,   which I highly recommend and are available for under $10.99.  ( not affilliate  marketing)

WE COUNTED!    ONLY 3.45K!!    Grab some of these goggles, and a slice of that movie pizza....and COUNT FOR YOURSELF!  The Great 4k Rip-off!  And be sure to save your new television reciept!   ...and be ready to explain to the Geek Skwad your 'reason for return'.