HU-U-Uge! flocks of these birds , numbering in the millions are often seen loitering on vacant parking lots, landing on beaches, and hovering over garbage dumps They have ulterior motives, ...according to now President , Donald J. Trump.
"They have found a way to vote, and are influencing our election system." says President Trump. "I knew I would win . ...Win the election.. and I won, we won, the American people not me...Trump added, " but those STUPID birds kept flying around the voting booths dropping bombs on Republican voters. That is WEAK! What a bunch of LOSERS! We need to investigate this, along with other types of voter fraud and intimidation by Hillary Clinton voters in this election! Those MORONS think they actually won the popular vote! They're not very smart. I am pretty smart, though. I have figured it out. They are gonna have a TOUGH time pulling that one over on me!"
... "Illy Gulls DANGEROUS...so, so dangerous to our voting system. So dangerous. " he said emphatically. They are BAD...so, so bad for our system. What a bunch of LIGHTWEIGHTS! Can't have an honest election. The stuff they did was, well, really, pretty AMAZING. So, so amazing. I mean like, we would have won the popular vote, if it was'nt for those millions and millions of Illy Gulls. Really, they did a TREMENDOUS job for Hillary and Bill. TERRIFIC job . Really terrific. But they will have ZERO input next time around, I can tell ya that. If local voting precincts can't handle the Illy Gulls.....then I will send the FEDS in to take care of it. They think they can just fly over Great Wall of Trump, and stay here and influence our system, our election system? No way!" "Not classy. Out of control"
And so President Trump has ordered a special investigation into the millions and millions of Illy Gulls here in the United States to determine just how much they have influenced our election system.
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